The Rules of Friendship

Do you remember those Inspiration Ideals and Keepsake books? You could always find them at garage sales when I was a kid. They were full of inspirational, idealistic poems that shaped my ideas of the world.

This poem encapsulates so much of what I see friendship as:

SHARING
by Maude V. Preston

There isn’t much that I can do, but I can
share my bread with you, and I can share
my joy with you, and sometimes share a
sorrow too... as on our way we go.

There isn’t much that I can do, but I can
sit an hour with you, and I can share a
joke with you, and sometimes share reverses,
too ... as on our way we go.

There isn’t much that I can do, but I can
share my flowers with you, and I can share
my books with you and sometimes share your
burdens too ... as on our way we go.

There isn’t much that I can do, but I can
share my songs with you, and I can share
my mirth with you, and sometimes come and
laugh with you ... as on our way we go.

There isn’t much that I can do, but I can
share my hopes with you, and I can share my
fears with you, and sometimes shed some
tears with you ... as on our way we go.

There isn’t much that I can do, but I can
share my friends with you, and I can share
my life with you, and oftimes share a
prayer with you ... as on our way we go.

It’s interesting how true this remains from when I first read it as a teenager. My take on the poem has gotten deeper.

And then there’s this classic poem on friendship:

FRIENDSHIP
by Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible
   comfort of feeling safe with a person.
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words — but pouring them
All right out — just as they are —
Chaff and grain togheter,
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them,
Keep what is worth keeping,
And with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.

Yes, friendship is indeed about feeling safe with someone, of trusting them and knowing they know your heart, and so they won’t take something out of context. They won’t judge you harshly, but will view your words and actions through the lenses of love. This is a good friend, this person who helps you discover what it is you think of life, your experiences and the other people in it. It often takes speaking the words out loud and hearing them come back to us that gives us perspective on our lives. And a good friend makes this happen for us.


For me, a friend is someone I can also count on to help lead me the way I know I want to go. Because I trust my good friend, I know that she will tell me when I'm in the wrong or could consider things differently. I greatly value the perspective of a friend to help me see clearly when things are cloudy.

TO AN OLD FRIEND’S HOUSE
by Adam N. Reiter

It’s never too far to an old friend’s house
   And the way is smooth and fine...

The day is always bright and fair,
  When I, on a friend would call,
Who’s been a friend in time and stress
   And stood by through it all.
Though skies are drear and clouds hang low
  And the outlook drab and gray;
There’s a radiant glow at an old friend’s house
  That drives the gloom away.

I think that our society, Hollywood and popular music, spend so much time preoccupied with romantic love that we ignore friendship. In times past, folks wrote odes to their friends and friendship was elevated. But today we’re obsessed with finding a soulmate we can marry and spend the rest of our lives with. As one of my college professors pointed out to me, this puts far too much pressure on our marriages. We need friends. We need more people in our lives than just The One.

Go often to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke up the unused path.


When you live deliberately and with intention, you make sure you carve out a space in your life for your friends. It is true that few have the time in their lives to stay ultra connected. And in this space we're in -- with spouses and kids and starter houses -- it becomes tough to carve out space. But I think most of us yearn for a community of the sort folks once had in small towns, and we want to connect with friends every day. I want to build a life that includes person-to-person connections.

And here are a few other good thoughts on friendship:

When good friends walk beside us
On the trails that we must keep
Our burdens seem less heavy
And the hills are not so steep
The weary miles pass swiftly
Taken in joyous stride
And all the world seems brighter
When friends walk by our side.
- Author unknown

If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will find himself along; one should keep his friendships in constant repair. - Johnson

Its the giving and doing for someone else
On that, all life’s splendor depends
And the joys of this life, when you sum them all up
Are found in the making of friends.

Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am, or am not, and keep ever burning before my wandering steps the kindly light of hope.