Temper tantrums and discipline the Sears way

My 15-month-old throws temper tantrums already. Apparently, having a stubborn father and mother resulted in a pretty stubborn toddler. Given that and her hatred of sleep, I’ve been feeling frustrated lately. But after reading “The Disciple Book” by William Sears and Marth Sears, I feel better — and I’m only into chapter 3.

I’ve been a fan of the Searses since I got pregnant and a friend lent me her “The Pregnancy Book”. Since I’ve read that one, “The Birth Book”, “The Baby Book,” and “The Vaccine Book” (written by Martha and William’s son). I recommend them all. What I love most about these books is the common sense of the authors. They don’t recommend “crying it out” or making sure you deny your child just to prove you’re not spoiling him/her. Instead, they suggest you consider the world from your kid’s perpective. Recognize the current development phase of your kid. Baby-proof your house instead of constantly fighting about whether she’s going for your breakables. They recommend classic toys, like blocks and puzzles, and suggest you forego things with batteries and noise. My kind of people!

Their books help me take a deep breath and relax about parenting.

I love lines like this: “Kids do annoying things — not maliciously, but because they don’t think like adults. ... Instead of first considering your own inconvenience, immediately click into your child’s viewpoints” (page 38 from the chapter “Understanding Ones, Twos and Threes”).

“Understanding why your toddler says no helps you not to be threatened by this toddler behavior. Your toddler is not actually being defiant or stubborn. He is not saying ‘I won’t’; rather, he is saying ‘I don’t want to.’” (p. 54)

“Your child will be as obedient as you expect or as defiant as you allow. When we ask parents of obedient kids why their children obey, they all answer, ‘Because we expect them to.’” (P. 11)

I appreciate that the Searses tailor their advice to age groups. For example, they point out that children under age 18 months can’t follow verbal warnings unless they are accompanied by action. So, you can’t simply shout “Don’t pull the cat’s tail”; you need to get off your butt and show the child how to pet the cat nicely. Also, kids under 18 months can’t generalize concepts. While you may get her to understand that your own stove is hot and dangerous, the child won’t connect that to grandma’s stove being also hot and dangerous. Babies don’t think before acting until they between 18 and 24 months. This stuff is so GOOD to know.

While advocating attachment parenting, the Seares don’t shy from setting limits and disciplining. But they do focus on positive reinforcement ad redirection, instead of simply saying “no” to your kid. They point out that kids need to explore and make a mess sometimes in order to learn how the world works; good parents don’t take that away from their kids but instead use it as a learning tool.

I love that the Searses recommend attachment parenting and establishing a connection with your child. They encourage breastfeeding and babywearing, as well as sleep-sharing. Coming from a doctor and professor, and a registered nurse, I think that’s pretty enlightening.

See more at http://www.askdrsears.com/