I feel like a bad mom

I’ve now worked on three major house projects: two new construction and one remodel. I can tell you, the remodel was much tougher.

It could be because of the little one. It was a lot easier to spend all my time at the new house when I didn’t have to worry about a toddler breathing in nasties and stabbing herself with a nail. Plus, I had to plan my work schedule around her naps and bedtime. That doesn’t leave a lot left over for painting and tile work.

I wound up feeling like a bad mom.

I was always dropping my toddler off at someone else’s house for the day — or weekend when I had a lot of stuff to get done at the house. She got to bed late too often. She missed naps. And she started to eat junk food. Once you start, you can’t go back.

Plus, both the hubby and I were just plain exhausted all the time. And crabbiness goes hand in hand with that. It’s tough to play or have patience with a cranky kid who runs off to hide when you suggest a diaper change after you spent all day hauling garbage out of a house. You just want to fall into bed the minute you get home. And you wish she could just turn off too. But she needs to be led through her nighttime routine, have three stories read to her, and be cuddled with first.

I haven’t had time to wean her from her nuk, and I certainly haven’t been able to potty train her. And we didn’t have a party or do anything for her 2nd birthday. Bad mom. That’s me.

I tried to do the best I could, but I still ended up feeling awful. Not that those negative feelings helped the situation at all.

I guess that times like these are when folks say you need to have given enough love to your child that it pulls you all through the rough times. And I’m sure this won’t be the toughest time I have as a mom, right? We’ll see how those teens years go.

Now that we’re done with the house (mostly), I’m determined to make it up to her.

It’s time to plan a birthday bash. To spend all day with her every day again. To take her to the park and for long walks. To replenish her love reservoir. Because, I do love her so deeply.

I hope she knows.

Make Moving (a little) Easier

Make moving a little easier by using storage containers and moving trucks.

Now, I figured that a moving truck would cost a lot, so I didn’t even look into it until this last leg of our multi-step move that spanned six months. My folks actually suggested I get one to make things simpler when we headed north to Cambridge to transport stuff one hour south. They told me we’d all spend more in gas to fuel our trucks. I think they were right.

We rented a 23-foot truck (the biggest they have) from Budget Truck. I found a discount code online for 20% (I love deals), so the truck was only $31.99. Then you pay for the amount of miles you put on the truck. In our case it was about 100 miles, which cost 71¢ a mile. That brought us to $100. And then we had to put gas in the hog. The Budget man told my husband the truck would get about 12 miles to a gallon, about the same as our Avalanche truck. But, after the hubby filled it he was certain it got a lot less than that.

Still, we’d definitely do it again. It was amazing how it simplified the moving process.

Conveniently, the nearest Budget location was just a few miles from our house and on our way to Cambridge. They were ready when my husband went to pick it up (and drop-off was easy, too). About 20 minutes after arriving, he was on the road again.

We didn’t have to call everyone we knew with a truck to try to convince them to drive an hour north and an hour back. I just had to line up people to load and unload.

When you have just one truck to fill, it streamlines the process. We knew that everything needed to go in that one vehicle. It was about 4 feet up to the truck bed, but they had a nifty ramp that went up and down; it worked great for the big stuff.

I recommend using Budget trucks for anyone who moves.

DART PORTABLE STORAGE CONTAINERS

We also used a storage container. Being originally located in Cambridge, our choices were pretty limited. In fact, only one of the many companies that provide containers would drive up to us: Dart Portable Storage Containers (http://www.dartportablestorage.com).

I’m a bit torn on whether or not I’d recommend them. I had both good and bad experiences with them.

I love the idea of a container that you can fill up slowly as you pack up. But I’m not sure that this company runs itself the best that it could.

Our drop off was very slick. It was easy to maneuver a big shipping container in our ample drive-way. I was a bit worried that it would damage our blacktop, but there were no marks after it was taken away. We had it dropped off two weeks before our move so that we could start loading as we packed. That worked wonderfully. Our main problem when was that it wasn’t large enough. The container fit about half the stuff in our 750-square-foot house and garage. On our major moving day when we’d asked folks over to help, the container was full in an hour. That left us with the problem of storing the rest of our stuff. Lucky for us, both our parents have pole buildings, so we split things up and then loaded boxes into our apartment. Seriously one full wall was just full of boxes during the six months we lived there. Argh.

Now, when you move like we did (transitional apartment you decide on a week before you’re supposed to be out because you don’t know where you’re going to end up), things get messy. Our address changed and then changed again. So, after a few months we got a phone call from Dart stating that our bill was past due. Now, I had been getting our mail — just a little late. And I had a current bill from them that said I owed $100 for the monthly storage fee. There was nothing that said I had missed a few months. Apparently, their billing system doesn’t do that. Huh?


After that I wrote the bill on my calendar so I’d be sure to pay it on time. I didn’t want to lose all that stuff in the container. It was being stored at their facility.

Finally, the day came when I was ready for them to drop the container back off so I could move into the newly remodeled house. I arranged for our construction dumpster to be picked up that morning so that the container could be set in its place. When the Dart driver got there, he scoped out the area off our alley and said he’d try it. Yes, conditions were challenging given the tight space and mud. But the Elite dumpster man had done it without a problem — twice. The young Dart driver gave it a half-hearted attempt and said it wouldn’t work. Then he drove around the neighborhood like a madman because he was frustrated trying to find enough space on the street. I was not impressed. He didn’t bother to ask my neighbor to move his truck while he was in the truck; instead I went up to him afterwards. He drove too fast. And he was super crabby. He left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Plus it was really difficult to move all of our garage stuff (like the heavy, HEAVY tool chest) from the front of the house to the rear garage. It would have been a cinch if it had been left where I asked them to leave it. Supposedly their trucks aren’t built for maneuvering like that (then why are they using trucks like that?) and our container was really heavy (books and tools, I suppose). Still...

And then I was stuck with another $72 bill because we needed a permit from the city. So it cost $170 for them to deliver plus $72. It was certainly not cheap.

But at least we didn’t have to move the stuff in the container twice.

DIY Tesha’s painting guide PART 2: the color

Click here to read part 1 of the Painting Guide.

PRIMING

Don’t skimp on primer. Not only does it help cover a surface so that you get the same color everywhere, but it helps your paint adhere. That’s particularly important when painting over nasty shades of paint. When you’re covering a dark or medium color, you’ll want to use two coats of primer for sure. If you’re painting over fresh sheetrock, you’ll need two coats of primer. And if you’ve got a combination wall — patches that were repaired with new mud AND ugly medium-shade paint, like I did, you will definitely need two coats of primer. I bought primer in the big 5-gallon buckets. For my house remodel, I went through three of them.

Between each coat, be sure to sand down the wall lightly to knock down any bumps that your roller left behind. I used one of those round sanders on a long handle that professionals carry around — and I discovered why they use them. They work so well! A few minutes and you’re done with a room.

If you are painting over fresh sheetrock, you’ll need to go back between coats of primer to fill in those myriad of tiny air holes that show up suddenly when you paint over them. Again, you could swear there was no hole until the paint exposes it.

There will likely be spots that the primer didn’t cover. If you find yourself staring at a blue mark that some little kid put there one day with a crayon, you’ll want to pull out the hard-hitting Cover-Up spray paint. A few sprays and that ugly spot will disappear — finally.

FINAL COAT

I prefer to paint as a duo. One person (not me) does the edging and the other follows behind to cover the rest of the wall.

I tried out a new tool for edging one day, the Shur-Line Paint Edger, while painting by myself, and my official report is this: Avoid it! The Shur-line promised to leave a sharp straight line around ceiling, sash and baseboard without leaving a line on the ceiling. It lied. It also left a line of paint on the bottom because it went on thicker than what I put on with my rollers. It dripped like crazy and I did not enjoy sanding down that line. I kept thinking it was user error and I just needed to practice with it more. Finally, I chucked it. Take my advice and stick with a good paint brush.

The professional painter I know told me once that a good paint brush is worth its weight in gold. Don’t skimp on the brush. Buy the expensive one so that you don’t have to pick out stray strands or try to keep wild bristles from leaving marks on your ceiling. You’ll also want nice rollers, but don’t worry about keeping them past each project. Rollers don’t last long.

Paint dries best between 60-75º. Less or more and you will have to deal with drips and cracks.

ADD SOME TEXTURE TO IT

I love the look my double roller leaves on a wall, and I’ve gotten many compliments on it. My favorite is from Wall Magic. The trick is to pick two colors that are a step apart for a look that adds texture to your wall. If you want something really dramatic, make it two steps apart. This look hides imperfections on your wall while giving it a designer feel.

Another great thing is that it takes less than half the amount of paint it would for a solid color. I’ll never forget when I used an entire gallon on a single bathroom for a solid coat, and a half-gallon for the bedroom’s double-roller paint job.

You’ll need a special paint tray with two different trays, one for each color. Help your paint spread better on the walls by mixng a capful of floetrol in each side.

Mix the two colors together for the paint you put on the edges; go back over that later with a sponge to soften things up. A sponge will also work for the little areas you can’t get your roller into.

You’ll want to do two coats, so you don’t need to be especially careful or wonderful with the first one. More white shines through on that first coat, and things will tame down when you add the second one. Be sure that only one person is wielding the roller; everyone rolls differently and the design will look different depending on who is rolling.

TOP TOOLS

• Double roller

It adds texture to a wall and uses less paint.

• Hand-held paint bucket

Save your back. This nifty bucket is easy to carry around.

• Taping knife

Use this tool to spread putty when you fill holes and then later to make sure your tape is on tight.

• Good paint brush and rollers

A good paint brush will last for many jobs and ensure that your lines are clean. A good roller won’t leave fuzz bumps on the wall; replace your rollers with each job.

DIY Tesha’s painting guide PART 1: prep work

Why spend money paying someone else for something you can do?

There are things I will pay for: a high-quality varnish on trimwork, cabinets and doors (learned the hard way); taping and muding (except in the basement); and window installation. But I won’t pay for paint. I can do that myself.

I have to confess that towards the end of my latest remodel project, I nearly caved and paid someone to paint my stinking windows. Four coats (2 primer, 2 final color) on 17 windows had me so tired of painting. It’s not like painting a wall. It’s putsy, careful work. Not the kind I can do for 68 hours. Yeah. It took about 1 hour for a coat on each window. I wanted to pull my hair out. And even when I took an hour to do each window, I slopped on the handles, locks and whatever-you-call-that-stuff-on-the-sides-between-pieces-of-wood-and-glass. What a bother.

Anyway, I digress.

I love painting walls. It’s such satisfying work. One minute the wall is ugly. A few later, the wall is beautiful. There’s little else with such instant results.

PREP WORK

Prep work takes nearly as long as the actual paint job, but without it your gorgeous new paint will look just plain terrible.

Be sure to fill in knicks and nail holes with spackle. It goes on well if you use one of those taping knives that sheetrockers use to put a layer on mud on the walls. Be careful to avoid leaving a ridge on any of the sides. You’ll want to go back before painting and sand it lightly (200 grit) to be sure to knock down any bumps. It’s crazy how you could swear that the wall was smooth until you put some color down. Places where you’ll always be sure to find dents are corners and high-traffic areas. I was flabbergasted by all the knicks in my entry way, stairwell and a little wall between the bathroom, kitchen and dining room.

Take a tip from the professionals: Circle any rough spots when you notice them with a pencil so you don’t forget about them. Don’t worry; the primer will cover it over later.

Painting tape comes in a few colors signifying less to more adhesion. Use tape carefully, because if you’re not careful it will tear your new paint right off. Again, I learned the hard way: don’t paint one coat in the evening and leave the tape on until you paint the second coat the next morning. My paint peeled right off. Apparently, you need to be very careful with paint for about a month; it takes that long to fully dry. One tool I really like is an tape edger. But my brother swears by the same tool he uses to putty: that sheetrocking putty knife. Drag it down the tape line to make sure it is tight to the wall and you’ll avoid seepage beneath the tape.

PICK YOUR PAINT

Paint comes in several types ranging from flat to super shiny. Get the flat stuff. I repeat: Get the flat stuff. I’ve heard that professional painters won’t use anything shinier than eggshell. It covers a multitude of sins on a wall. The shinier you get, the easier it will wash but the more it will show. There are lines you would never see on a wall until you put shiny paint there. Suddenly you can’t focus on your TV because all you see is that tape line that runs from floor to ceiling. The professional painter I know told me that the difference in washability is a mere 10% between eggshell and semi-gloss.

I have to make a confession here. I opted for semi-gloss because the Hirschfield’s man told me it would be easier to clean with my toddler. And I already hate it after just a few weeks. Yeah, it cleans up nice but it shows every bump on my not-so-new walls. I’ll never use semi-gloss again.

I opted to use the low VOC option from Benjamin Moore because of my toddler. While the VOC level goes up when you add tint to the basic white, it was a lot less odor than my primer was. (No one was feeling loony when I painted the main color like they were around that primer.) If a sales person tries to tell you that you don’t need primer with this paint, let his words roll off without affecting your decision. My brother tried that and is now having to clean up a huge mess. Of course, the paint peeled.

Part II coming Saturday.

Thanks for the inspiring lives

Who has most inspired me? That’s a tough question. It’s one I’ve been pondering for several days in light of International Women’s Day (which was two days ago. Oops. I’m a little late on my post.)

The problem is, I can’t come up with One Woman whom I most admire and try to emmulate. I’ve been racking my brain for days, but there hasn’t been someone like that in my life. Rather, there have been many women who have inspired me in little ways.

• My mom

My mom has always inspired me by listening to my dreams and encouraging me to make them happen. She believes that a parent should help identify the talents in a child, and then encourage them to make what they want out of it. She never pushed me — she wasn’t a parent who was more interested in my hobby than I was. Instead, she said you’re a good writer. And then I felt empowered to write.

• My best friend, Amy

There is a reason Amy has been my best friend since second grade. I admire the way she looks at the world. She is always learning. She is always trying to do what she thinks is best — best for the world, for her family and for others. She thinks through issues; she researches before making snap decisions. She listens. She’s a fantastic mother who is making her own path, and I rely on her for sound advice. Plus, she’s trained as a therapist and man does that come in handy when I’m going crazy!

• Jenni

Somehow Jenni has taken what was a tough childhood by any definition and transformed it into a good life for herself. She’s happily married with two gorgeous daughters. She lets me know that I don’t have to repeat the mistakes of my parents. I can make my life what I want it to be. When we talk, she offers insightful comments that rattle around in my head for days.

• Danielle

After her sister was murdered, my friend was able to see more than her grief and know that there was a little boy who needed care. She wasn’t ready to have kids, but she did it and adopted her nephew. That takes courage. It hasn’t always been easy, but she’s always shown that it’s always rewarding. Her big heart inspires me.

• Aunt Cindy

My aunt has also survived some tough times and came out kicking. She tries to savor each moment these days, knowing that life is short and you have to enjoy the happiness you find. When I went through my divorce and remarriage, she was a pillar of support, offering encouragement and wisdom. It was so wonderful to have someone in my life who had been there and understood.

• My long-time editor Linda

We didn’t always agree on everything about our newspaper, but my long-time editor Linda provided the input to shape me into the writer I am today. I came to her not knowing much about journalism and she taught me what I needed to know to do the job. If I used a word incorrectly, she wrote the definition in the margin. She corrected me when I didn’t use AP Style correctly. She listened to me rant about various government meetings. She challenged the assumptions I made. She modeled what an editor who cares about her community is like. After working together side-by-side for 10 years, I have to confess that I don’t see her much anymore, but she’s left a mark on my life that won’t fade away.

• Cambridge City Administrator Lynda Woulfe

During my years as a reporter, I saw plenty of people in government that made me go hmmm, but Lynda was never one of them. She transformed a city hall that had focused on itself into one that focused on the community. With a laugh and a gentle push, she made friends and she got things done.

• My ex-MIL Linda (I’ve known a lot of Lindas, huh?)

Between my mother and my ex-MIL, I was set on a path of natural care and whole foods. We don’t talk anymore, but we used to spend hours discussing health-related issues. She helped me form my own ideas on what is good to eat and what I should avoid, along with vitamins I should add to my diet and ways I could can tomatoes. When my wrists hurt all the time, she told me I was deficient on the B vitamins — and when I added that supplement from Eniva the pain went away like magic. I also discovered that homeopathy wasn’t just some weird thing my mom did, but a valuable method of healthcare. She taught me many things that I use today.

Many of L.M. Montgomery's characters have inspired me over the years, from Anne of Green Gables to Emily of New Moon to Jane of Lantern Hill.

• Anne of Green Gables

Anne of Green Gables was a powerful inspiration for me from the time I first encountered the novels L.M. Montgomery wrote. Then I watched the movies we taped off PBS over and over and over until she became real to me. Anne preserved. She was funny. She wrote. She found happiness with Gilbert and her children. She had a fiery temper, but you could count on her to love and never let go. She was adventurous, imaginative and determined.

• My Bible study ladies

I avoided church and organized religion for years, turned off by hypocrites who professed one thing but did another. Then I started attending the Morning Blend Bible study at Park Methodist in Minneapolis. I discovered a whole new set of Christians. They are welcoming. They believe in truth, but they try not to judge. They are wise and they’ve made me believe again.

• Mary Ellen Ashcroft

As my writing and literature instructor, Mary Ellen Ashcroft opened my eyes to so many things in college. I’ll never forget reading women’s literature during my first Interim at Bethel. I was introduced to other voices and ideas in her classes. I grew as a person because of it. And I still love Ursula Le Guin!

• Valancy Stirling

The heroine of L.M. Montgomery’s lesser known adult book, “The Blue Castle,” has always inspired me. When she is diagnosed with a terminal heart ailment at age 29, Valancy rebels against her family and the life they have imposed on her. She takes care of an ailing friend and then proposes to a reckless and wild adventurer who intrigues her and makes her laugh. She finally makes her life her own.

• Lucy from “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe”

Yep, Lucy has always been my favorite character in C.S. Lewis’ “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.” I admire those with a deep-rooted curiosity who set off an adventure and try to make the world better. Lucy has always embodied that for me. Plus, the way she loves is deep. I want to love like that.

• Nan Bailey

I admire a woman who runs her own business, like Nan Bailey of Alexis Bailey Vineyard. In a world dominated by men, it’s nice to find a successful woman to emulate. Someday, I’ll write books and make wine. Some day.

• Mayim Bialik, former “Blossom” star and current actress on “The Big Bang Theory”

Just this morning I stumbled upon the blog of former Blossom star Mayim Bialik (http://www.kveller.com/blog/members/mayim-bialik/), and I was inspired to continue listening to my intuition and to not feel bad for how I choose to parent. In response to being criticized for “extreme parenting,” — a label she disagrees with — Bialik said this: "I am not negligent for doing things you don’t agree with. I am simply listening to my intuition, doing research, and really enjoying the ride."

Now that I’ve gotten started, I think I could keep going and going. I’m sure I’ve forgotten somebody. But the point wasn’t to write a comprehensive list, was it? It was just to give a little recognition to valuable women in my life. They are inspirations. Who inspires you?

Save money and get unique lights at Creative Lighting

Shopping for lights and wish there was someplace besides Lowe’s, Home Depot or Menards? Turns out there’s a great alternative right here in the Twin Cities: Creative Lighting off Snelling. It’s a family-owned shop with fantastic deals.

Creative Lighting is located midway between Minneapolis and St. Paul. You can see the building off I94.

I have to confess that I’ve always wanted to go in that store but was scared off by the prices. Not that I knew what the prices were (as I’d never been inside, remember), but I was sure they’d be way out of my price range.

After dropping in there today because of a Groupon I’d purchased, I learned that while they do carry some expensive (and gorgeous) light fixtures, they’ve also got plenty that compare price-wise with all the Big Box stores. I wish I’d known that before I bought all my lights for our remodel at Menards!

I was impressed with the number of clearance items the store carried. I got a mirror for half off the original price. Nice! With my Groupon, I paid a total of $44.18 for a mirror that was originally $134.

Factoring in my Groupon and the clearance price, I bought this gorgeous mirror for $44.18. It was originally $134. Creative Lighting has a huge clearance selection.

They have items up to 60% off the original price in their clearance area. Conveniently, that’s also where they have the Kids Table stocked with toys my 2-year-old enjoyed playing with while momma shopped. That’s another thing they’ve done right. I love it when a store values their customers enough to create a place for kids.

Another great thing about Creative Lighting is that they carry so many unique items as compared to the Big Box stores. The atmosphere is nicer than at Menards, too, that’s for sure! No annoying jingles. It’s not just overhead lights on their shelves, but fans and lamps, as well. And, of course, mirrors, which is what I was shopping for. According to the web site: “We take pride in our experienced and helpful staff, our large selection of items available in stock and our low price guarantee.” Apparently, if you find an item they carry for less somewhere else, they will match the price. That’s great customer service!

THINGS OF NOTE:
• From now until March 17 you can get a coupon for $20 off a purchase of $150 or more. Redeem the coupon at http://wildfireapp.com/website/6/contests/100628.
• Find out about sale promotions, get lighting tips and discover what’s hot in the lighting world at http://www.creative-lighting-blog.com/
• If you find an item advertised for less they will match the lowest price – “that’s our guarantee.”

Creative Lighting carries mirrors, fans, lights and lamps that range from affordable to expensive.

DETAILS
1728 Concordia Avenue
Saint Paul, MN 55104
Telephone:
651.647.0111
Showroom Hours:
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday: 9:00 AM - 6:00 PM
Thursday: 9:00 AM - 8:00 PM
Friday & Saturday: 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Closed Sundays

Eight Questions to Think About Before Your Visit
From www.creative-lighting.com

1) What is the decor of the room you want to light?
Narrow and refine your lighting search articulate your style of decor so you can focus on something that will complement your interior design.

2) What are the textures and colors of the room that will be lit?
Ideally, you would be able to bring samples of the textures and colors in the room you are lighting. Samples of wood used in cabinetry and flooring, as well as fabrics and colors, can steer you to the appropriate selections.

3) How will the room be used?
Answering this question completely ensures that appropriate lighting recommendations can be made.

When visiting a lighting showroom, in addition to having a handle on what style you like, you need to ask yourself, "what is it that I am doing in these rooms?" For example, will the lighting be used for tasks, or will it be mostly ambient or decorative? Those questions will ultimately help refine the type of light you need.

4) What are the dimensions of the room you want to light?

5) What is your budget?
Quality lighting is available at various prices. Ask one of our lighting consultants to explain the differences at various price levels within your range.

6) Where does lighting fall on the “Project Schedule”?
While we carry a huge selection of merchandise in stock, keep in mind that if you choose to order something that is not in stock the lead times are normally several weeks.

7) When should I start thinking about lighting?
Since lighting is an integral part of the design plan, your lighting questions should be decided before the project begins. We can help you with this process.

8) Do I need an appointment?
NO! yet we recommend calling ahead so we can better match what you’re looking for with our staff of lighting consultants. For example, if you want traditional lighting we would recommend you see a different consultant than if you had a highly technical contemporary design in mind.