Preparing for a new sibling

This is my favorite book right now, as it really gets at ways my daughter can be a "big helper" while also stressing how much mommy and daddy love her.

My biggest worry about this new baby has to do with how my three-year-old is going to take it (although the closer I get to my due date, the higher labor ranks on the list!). I want her to love this new baby, and I don’t want her to feel replaced. I’d like to do what I can to foster a great sibling relationship, right from the start.

And so we’ve been talking a lot about this new baby, with the help of some fabulous books from the Sears Children’s Library.

I’ve long been a fan of the Sears books for moms, relying heavily on “The Pregnancy Book,” “The Baby Book,” “The Birth Book,” and “The Discipline Book.” (See complete list at http://www.drsearsfamilyessentials.com/books.html) Now I’ve added “What Baby Needs” and “Baby on the Way” to my list of must-haves. Authors are William Sears, M.D., Martha Sears, R.N. and Christie Watts Kelly. Illustrations by Renee Andriani.

While this book was a great one for us to start with, I began to want a book that focused more on ways to establish connection between the big sister and new baby.

My daughter got three different “I’m going to be a big sister” books for Christmas, and while they’ve been useful, I’ve found them lacking a bit. For one, they highlight only bottle feeding, and I’ll be breastfeeding. I also want to show my daughter images of babies in slings and being held more than they are placed in cribs or swings. The circumstances surrounding the birth also don’t work for us because we won’t be doing a hospital birth but a home birth; Grandma won’t be coming to take care of her while we head to a hospital room. Those images just don’t fit.

But more than that, the focus is limited to helping the future big sister start thinking about the new sibling, and talking about how much they are still loved, even though there’s a new person coming along. I was ready to take that a step farther, and start talking about changes to our home and lifestyle that will come with the new baby. “What Baby Needs” focuses on how the big sibling is mommy and daddy’s “big helper,” and pinpoints some specific things the older sibling can do, while connecting those same items to what he/she needed as a baby. Skin-to-skin contact, snuggling nose to nose, sleeping next to mommy at night, and watching the world from a baby carrier are things the book highlights, reflecting the attachment parenting theories I value.

This great book likens how mommy is feeling to sensations the child can easily relate to. The "What You Can Do Tips" are quite helpful.

I particularly like the “What You Can Do” sidebars in the “Baby On the Way.” Suggestions include:

• Visit the doctor or the midwife with your mommy and listen to the baby’s heartbeat.

• Ask your mommy what it felt like when you were growing inside her.

• Draw a picture of what your baby might look like.

• See if you have any toys or clothes you can share with the baby.

• Try holding a doll the way babies need to be held — with your hand behind the doll’s head because babies are too little to hold up their own heads.

My daughter also loves the “Answers for the Very Curious,” particularly the one that talks about “what’s that thing on thee baby’s belly?” She loves belly buttons!

The  “Making Friends WIth Your Baby” tips scattered throughout “What Baby Needs” are super helpful. 

• Never wake a sleeping baby because they need lots of sleep.

• Have an adult help you when you hold your baby sibling very gently in your lap.

• Gently touch the inside of baby’s hand with your finger and baby will squeeze it.

• Read your favorite book to baby.

I also appreciate the Notes for Parents and Caregivers Section at the start of the book, and the About Attachment Parenting notes in the back.

Here are a few of their comments:

• Children are often eager to play with the new baby — and often find it difficult to wait until the baby will be able to play with an older child. The “Making Friends with Your Baby” sidebars give ideas of ways to foster meaningful interaction between your children.

• Many times, well-meaning adults overuse the “big brother/big sister” or “big boy/big girl” language. From the child’s perspective, all the advantage seems to be in being little — after all the baby gets more attention and never makes mistakes. Try to use the term “older brother” or “older sister” to more accurately reflect the child’s new role. On the other hand, most kids will proudly wear the badge of “big helper,” as that emphasizes their ability to be a vital member of the family community.

• To focus on the older child’s new status as an older brother or sister, consider having the child help make and send out “older brother” and “older sister” announcements instead of baby announcements. Perhaps make a special “sibling book” with side-by-side pictures of each child.

• Even if an older sibling has been weaned for quite some time, he or she may ask to nurse. Typically, the best approach is to allow the child to try it once or twice, and then he or she will lose interest.

• Never leave an infant alone in a room with a young sibling. It only takes a second for something to happen - for the older child to poke the baby’s eyes or to pinch, hit or drop the baby. You’re not only protecting the infant, but the older child as well — if they find out they have that much power it will be scary to them. And if anything bad does happen, the older child will feel terribly guilty later on.

• It is important to allow children to express their frustration or other “negative” feelings without invalidating them. For example, if the child says something like, “I hate the baby,” don’t negate that feeling by saying, “No, you don’t, you love the baby.” Instead, try saying something like, “It’s hard for you to see Mommy spending so much time with the baby.” Once the child’s feelings are validated, then the intensity of the feelings tends to dissipate.

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Learn more about the Drs. Sears (dad’s a doctor and so are three sons, and mom’s a nurse) and views on childrearing at: http://www.askdrsears.com/. Online topics include pregnancy and childbirth, attachment parenting, family nutrition, vaccines, parenting and breastfeeding.

Cure for heartburn: herbal tea

It isn’t easy to get a gallon of water in each day — particularly not in the third trimester when it feels like the baby is taking over my entire abdomen. Adding to the difficulty is my heartburn. For the first few weeks of March, I had terrible heartburn from lunch until bedtime (and sometimes through the night). Not fun.

It's easy to keep track of how much I'm drinking each day when I make quart jars of tea.

On the recommendation of my midwife, I started making cold herbal tea and drinking that each day. In addition to giving my body some extra minerals and offering a taste alternative to plain water, it has an added benefit: No heartburn!

I have to confess I’m amazed that drinking so much water was the cause of my heartburn. Isn’t water supposed to be good for you? And I do love a big cold glass of it.

But I’d much prefer not having heartburn. So if heartburn is troubling you, try giving herbal tea a chance.

Because I'm going through so much tea, I order it in bulk through Amazon. A case comes with six boxes.

I make mine in quart jars. Fill it with water and add four tea bags of your choice. I typically do two bags of the Celestial Seasoning Sweet Zinger Ice in either acai mango or wild berry (sweetened with stevia, no calories); a bag of red raspberry leaf or another pregnancy blend; and a bag of decaf green tea or any other flavor I have around. I let it steep for awhile on the counter and then throw it in the fridge because I can drink cold beverages again. (During my first trimester I had to have room temperature or warm drinks. Strange, I know.)

What other tricks have you used to get rid of heartburn during pregnancy?